


Indelible

by ladydragon76



Category: Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Warning: Disturbing Mental Images, genre: dark, warning: mind-fuckery, warning: read at your own risk, warning: triggery content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydragon76/pseuds/ladydragon76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> Blurr’s caught up in Turmoil’s revenge on Drift, and with no way out, it’s do or die.  Literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indelible

**Author's Note:**

> **‘Verse:** IDW  
>  **Series:** None  
>  **Rating:** NC-17  
>  **Pairings:** Drift/Blurr  
>  **Warnings:** Rape, torture, angst on top of angst, seemingly over the top reaction to trauma, triggery content, read at your own risk. Canon? What canon? AU  
>  **Notes:** Been wanting to write this one for a good long while, but it’s taken some time to get the characterizations and reactions right in my head. Thank you to my Beloved Prodders, you know who you are, for the encouragement and advice! ^_^

His weight was on his feet, but he wasn’t balanced. His shoulders ached, arms pulled back. There was something solid against his spinal struts. His head pounded hard enough to make a return to unconsciousness sound like a great idea.

Instead, Drift braced himself for anything, and cracked open an optic. The room was small and silent. The lights dim. There was a single door in front of him with no control panel in sight.

A cell.

He looked everywhere he could without moving, then turned his helm toward the pale blue to his left. Blurr. Bound securely to a metal column by his ankles, waist, and arms, and in the same position Drift was in. His helm was hanging forward. Still knocked out.

Drift cycled his vents in a sigh, and frowned. He remembered alarms blaring, Blurr cursing vividly, a capable pilot in his own right, but unable to elude their attacker. There had been the sharp scent of ozone, blue lightning over the controls. A flash. Now this.

Drift really hated being a prisoner, and he got a good half hour of just standing there getting to hate it some more before Blurr began to wake. He watched the racer as his helm lifted and turned, and the sight of a deep dent on the far side of his helm told Drift why it’d taken so much longer for Blurr to come around.

Blurr jerked awake, optics suddenly wide and bright. He pulled against his bonds, struggling hard.

“It’s no use,” Drift said, voice quiet. He could see well enough to know that they weren’t getting out of the clamps holding them by themselves.

Blurr tugged some more, then stopped with a heavy sigh. “Well slag. Where are we?”

Drift shook his helm. “Some Decepticon cell.”

“Oh, not just _some_ Decepticon cell.” Blurr jumped, helm whipping around, but Drift stiffened at the sound of _that_ voice. Turmoil stepped up from behind him, and Drift cursed silently. He must have been there the whole time. “Hello, Deadlock. Been a while,” Turmoil purred by his audial.

Blurr picked his chin up and glared as the Decepticon turned toward him.

“Hello, Blurr, is it?” Turmoil stepped in front of Blurr, careful to position himself so Drift could see as he cupped Blurr’s face. “Very pretty.”

“Get your hands off me!” Blurr tried to jerk his helm away, but failed.

Turmoil chuckled, a dark sound that Drift recognized. “Caught up by accident, and now such a large part of how I’m going to exact revenge on Deadlock for his treachery.”

“Drift. I’m Drift,” Drift said.

That dark chuckle rolled free again, and Turmoil stroked a hand possessively down Blurr’s chest. “Your team thinks you’re dead. We’re nowhere near where I captured you.” He stalked up to Drift, a finger under his chin to lift his face. “ _Deadlock_. I am going to ruin you so completely before I kill you. And you get to watch as I do the same to your little friend first.”

Turmoil walked toward the door, and it slid open to his silent command. “This is the last night of your lives as you’ve known them.”

The door shut behind him, and Blurr snorted. “Freak.”

“Dangerous,” Drift said. “Very good at breaking mechs.”

Blurr shook his head, and squirmed, tugging against the clamps. He twisted his helm, trying to look. “Can you see how these lock?”

“Blurr.”

“I know, I know. Dangerous ‘Con set on revenge. Help me figure out how to get out of here.”

“Blurr,” Drift repeated. “There is no way out. We need to endure until the others can find us.”

That got Blurr’s attention. “They think we’re dead.” He shook his helm. “We’re Wreckers. We’re expendable. They wouldn’t come after us even if they knew we were alive.”

Drift frowned as Blurr went back to twisting around. That was how he ended up a Wrecker after all. They had left Perceptor behind. “They’ll come.” Perceptor at the very least would never just leave a mech behind. It could be a while before he got to them, but he would come, and that, if nothing else, would shame the others into it too. They just had to hold on.

“Never took you for the hopeful idiot type,” Blurr muttered, then huffed as he didn’t manage anything with all his twisting and pulling except making his own joints ache worse.

“You need to be prepared.” Drift let his helm rest back against the column. “I know Turmoil. He’s ruthless, and he is dead set on breaking me. You’re just another tool for him to use to accomplish that goal.”

“Ego much?”

“He doesn’t know anything except that we’re Autobots. And all Autobots are bestest friends ever.” Drift snorted. “He won’t care that we aren’t friends. He’ll use you, and hurt you any way he can come up with if he thinks it’ll bother me even a little bit.”

Blurr shook his helm. “I’ve been dealing with Decepticons for a long time. I’m not afraid of him, or a little pain. We just need to work on a way out of here.”

“Ever been raped, Blurr?” Drift tipped his helm to look at the racer.

Blurr’s mouth dropped open in shock, then he laughed. “No! Of course not! Who in the universe would _rape_ me?” He shook his head. “No one touches me that I don’t want to. Who even _does_ that?”

“Turmoil does.” _I did_ , Drift thought as Blurr rolled his optics at him. “He has in the past! It’s part of how he breaks a mech. He will hurt you as much as he can. The only thing we have going for us is that he wants us alive for now. He wants to make this slow and painful. He wants to break us. If we-”

“You sure know a lot about what he wants.”

“I was his second in command! Of course I know what he wants. I know how he thinks. I know how much pain he can bring to bear, and if you aren’t braced for it, he _will_ break you. I’ve _helped_ him break mechs before.”

Blurr shook his helm, surprised a bit by just how much Drift was talking, not to mention all the emotion in that little speech. It must be panic and fear. “We just need to look for our chance to escape.”

“It’s going to hurt more than anything else you’ve ever experienced. You need to be prep-”

“Primus! Let it go!” Blurr glared at Drift. “He’s not about to do that! _No one_ does that! It’s beyond wrong!”

Drift opened his mouth to try a different tact, but Blurr looked the other way, and nothing Drift said got the least reaction out of him.

~ | ~

Blurr yelped as he was struck awake.

“Wake up!” Blurr hissed, and tried to bite the fingers that returned to caress his face. Turmoil just laughed, then looked over at Drift. “Watching this, Deadlock?”

“His name is Drift!”

“Defending him? Do you know what he’s done?” Turmoil gripped Blurr’s chin in one large hand. “You will soon.” Blurr’s spark tripped. The frag could he mean by that?

“Going to kill you,” Drift said, smiling benignly as Turmoil’s helm swiveled his way.

Turmoil returned his attention to Blurr. “He was right, you know? You are getting raped today. It’s going to hurt so much.” He petted Blurr’s helm, touch a mockery of tender and gentle. “He was just wrong about who would be violating your innocent little spark.”

“Never.”

Turmoil chuckled, and stepped back from Blurr to look at Drift again. “Sure you are. Want to know how?”

Blurr shook his helm. “No.” Though his spark pounded, and his lines began to feel like ice was pouring through them.

Turmoil reached into his subspace and retrieved a thin metal bar. “Do you know what this is?” he asked, displaying it for Blurr. “Medics use these. Let me show you how.”

Blurr struggled, but he couldn’t move enough to even stall Turmoil. The tool was slipped into his central chest seam. It slid up, pried lightly, slid down, and then Blurr’s locks clicked. The plating retracted, and before he could get them to close, Turmoil was clamping them open.

“Useful tool.” Turmoil chuckled as Blurr cursed at him, threatened him. It didn’t stop him at all from prying open the laser core armor and clamping it as well.

Blurr could see how fast his spark flashed. His optics were wide, and his vents heaved from the strain and fear. He cried out as his crystal gave way. It didn’t actually hurt, but he could do nothing to stop it. Unexpected pleasure made him cry out again as Turmoil delicately brushed his fingers through the corona of his spark.

“Your turn,” Turmoil said to Drift.

Blurr watched. Horrified and confused, and oh so very naked. They didn’t even have their crystals to protect their sparks! Drift glared up angrily, but said nothing. _Did_ nothing!

“This is a creation of my own.” Turmoil pulled a small control device from his subspace. He pressed a button, and the columns pulled back, their feet sliding across the floor. Turmoil pushed another button, and Drift was facing Blurr.

“No!” Blurr shouted. “No! No, you can’t do this!”

“I can. It’s as easy as… this.”

Turmoil thumbed another button, and the columns moved again. All the struggling in the world could not stop Blurr’s exposed, naked spark from being pressed right up against Drift’s.

“Focus,” Drift said. “Keep your energies in tight. Resist the urge.”

Blurr panted, optics wide and bled of nearly all their color.

“By all means,” Turmoil said, stepping close. “Focus. Eventually, you’ll grow tired. Eventually, one of you will slip. And even if that doesn’t happen, _eventually_ you will become depleted enough, and your sparks will reach out for the nearest source of energy.”

Turmoil exited, leaving them alone, or as alone as an apparently monitored cell could be. Drift cycled his vents carefully. “Just resist as long as you can,” he said softly, optics shutting so he could concentrate without staring into Blurr’s terrified, stricken face.

Little ghosts of pleasure brushed over Drift’s circuits. He didn’t understand it very well, but every youngling knew sparks called to one another. Keep your spark covered by at _least_ the crystal casing when interfacing, or you would end up bonded. Pits, enough interfacing even through just the barrier of the crystal was supposed to eventually cause a bond. Drift didn’t know. It wasn’t like he had _ever_ bared his spark to anyone before.

Blurr leaned his helm back, trying to copy Drift, and shut his optics. He cycled his vents shallowly, desperate not to move at all because just breathing made his spark tingle. He took to watching his chrono, counting the seconds as they ticked by. It worked for a little while, but being right up against the siren-song warmth of Drift’s spark was wearing on him.

They were both cycling faster. It was more and more difficult to ignore the occasional flare from one or the other’s spark. Blurr whimpered, and leaned his helm forward onto Drift’s shoulder.

“Drift,” Blurr whispered.

“We can fight this,” Drift whispered back, but his spark pulsed a little harder in response to a flare.

“I don’t want to be bonded. Not to you. Not to anyone!”

Drift scrambled for something to distract them both. “How’d you end up a Wrecker?”

“What?!”

“Tell me how-“ Drift cut off with a gasp.

One of them had slipped a little, and they were both immersed in struggling to regain control. Drift knew his spark had flared again, but wasn’t sure if Blurr had reached for him, or if he’d imagined it under the sudden burst of pleasure.

“Primus!” Blurr whimpered, the a name a genuine prayer. “I don’t want this!”

Something very close to the sound of a sob escaped Blurr, and Drift stiffened as energy stuttered over his spark. He gritted his teeth, bracing for pain as his own spark made an abortive reach back.

It didn’t hurt.

It didn’t hurt, and that made it so much harder to resist. Blurr gasped, respiration ragged beside Drift’s audial.

“Fight it. Deny it,” Drift said. He panted, growling as another wave of tingling pleasure washed a bloom of heat throughout his entire chest. “Reject it!”

They didn’t want this! Drift focused on that even as they succumbed. Blurr keened. Drift fell headlong.

He was shocked at what he could feel buried in Blurr. He’d… never known this sort of contentment. It was disrupted now by fear… no, by unmitigated horror, but it was genuine contentment. Drift only knew what it was because Blurr did. Blurr was happy with what he had. That’s not to say he didn’t miss the races or being all but a god, able to command masses of mechs with a smile, but he was _content_.

He felt useful as a Wrecker, though it was tinted by the strangest touch of fearing he was inadequate. That notion was layered in self-assured reasoning that Blurr did something no one else could. He pulled his weight. He could shoot. He could be still. He wasn’t afraid to die for something he believed in, and for all that he had _loved_ racing, his life as a Wrecker was even more important to him. Fulfilling. It was everything he was, and everything he wanted, and he was happy and content and at peace.

Drift hadn’t even know a mech _could_ be this happy.

Sure there had been Wing, but even he hadn’t seemed so… _content_.

Drift was unutterably jealous. Even after losing everything that meant anything to him, Blurr was still granted a charmed life and gifted with something he could love even more.

Drift recoiled, feeling ugly and mean and small for his envy.

Overload rushed his systems. Heat and pain, and too much light.

And the sound of Blurr sobbing brokenly into his neck.

His spark pulsed in an entirely different emotion, and Drift nuzzled at Blurr’s helm, the only comfort he could offer.

~ | ~

It took three more overloads before their systems and sparks seemed to have had enough for the time being. They rested together, still resisting. Still fighting. Rejection had become a mantra.

Blurr wept quietly, hopelessly, and Drift burned with guilt and anger and shame.

They were laid bare to one another, and where Blurr’s worst crime was being a conceited aft, Drift…

Drift had been a Decepticon, and his only defense was that he had _truly, honestly_ believed at the time that he was doing the right thing. Even now, he didn’t really believe in the Autobots. He just knew the Decepticons, _Megatron_ had gone too far. Lost sight.

He was unduly condemned by Blurr, and had felt it.

Worst still, he understood it. He could see himself through Blurr’s optics. Could see the memories experienced during their spark to spark mergings from Blurr’s point of view. Drift felt the horror as Blurr experienced _being_ a rapist, a murderer. He felt the revulsion, how Blurr fought against purging his tanks as tortured mechs faded into death under his hands.

Drift barely noticed as Turmoil returned. “That looked successful.” The columns separated slowly, tendrils of energy snapping back as Drift and Blurr’s sparks were separated. Drift tried to glare up at Turmoil, but knew he was too wrung out for it to be remotely effective. He was surprised when the clamps were removed, and their plating allowed to close.

Once the columns were back in place, Turmoil inspected them both. He was particularly interested in Blurr, and Drift fought to keep his face impassive.

“Tomorrow,” Turmoil purred, fingertip tracing a tear track down Blurr’s face. “Tomorrow, it’s my turn.” He tipped Blurr’s face up, then cast Drift a smirk, the lights dimming as the door slid shut.

“Scream,” Drift said. “When he takes you, scream. He likes it, and might go easier on you if-“

“I hate you,” Blurr whispered, vents catching.

Drift fell silent.

~ | ~

Blurr woke to an angry snarl and a tight grip on his chin. “Why didn’t you feel that?!”

“What?” he asked, hazy and confused. Exhausted and wrung out from the day before, he’d had nothing but nightmares, and when he finally managed to drop into recharge and _stay_ asleep, here was their captor roaring nonsense in his face.

Turmoil growled, and struck him. Hard. Blurr gasped, then again as he caught sight of Drift’s plating. He had dents all over him that weren’t there the day before.

Turmoil paced, visibly -to one that knew him so well- pulling his patience back around him. “Not enough. Guess I’ll just finish having my fun, then leave you two together a bit longer.” He returned to Blurr, sparing a glance at Drift. “Watching, Deadlock?” His hands ran over Blurr’s plating. “I might actually have to be gentle with you. Could crush you with a firm grip, couldn’t I?”

“His name is Drift,” Blurr said, glaring up at Turmoil. Drift could see the fear in his pale optics, but his spark clenched with something like pride. Blurr wasn’t broken yet.

“Defending a mech you hate?” Turmoil’s thumb traced Blurr’s central seam, making him shudder in revulsion.

“Hate who he was.”

“You have a thing for Deadlock?” Turmoil chuckled more as Blurr made a face. “You don’t have to admit it to me.” He tipped his helm, looking back at Drift.

“Disgusting freak,” Blurr snapped. He managed to bite Turmoil’s thumb while he was distracted and looking at Drift, but it earned him an audial-ringing smack to this head.

“Still some fight in you. Good.”

Blurr hissed and struggled, but Turmoil lifted him, pulling him up by a heavy hand around his throat until he was braced on the tips of his feet.

“I promised you pain, little one.” Turmoil leaned down and pressed his chest hard to Blurr’s. His spark pulsed out, surrounding Blurr’s in unwanted energy for a moment.

Blurr recoiled as much as he could, resisting, refusing to pulse back. It hurt. Which was something of a surprise since being spark to spark with Drift hadn’t. Well, not so much, or fast, or immediately, but maybe that was because they had both been resisting? Blurr didn’t know, and he had no experience to base a guess off of. He squeezed his optics shut, clenched his hands into fists where they were bound behind the column, and fought against the burn scraping over his spark.

Turmoil chuckled, murmuring beside Blurr’s audial just loud enough for Drift to hear. Drift watched, face impassive, almost bored, while he screamed inside. Blurr fought, but within a handful of pulses, Turmoil broke through his resistance. Fire burned his lines. Acid poured over his spark. Blurr screamed.

The rather thin front Blurr had tried to put up fell away. Drift couldn’t hear Turmoil anymore, but he knew he was being watched. He knew Turmoil was dragging it out on purpose too, and was relieved when he finally caught the tell-tale brightening of his visor. An instant later Blurr’s screams arced to a shriek that cut off with a sharp burst of static. In the sudden silence that followed, Turmoil’s satisfied moan sounded particularly obscene.

There was a gurgle, and Turmoil jumped back as Blurr violently purged his tanks. “Now that’s just wasteful,” Turmoil said, but that sinister chuckle still underscored his tone. Turmoil opened a panel on his forearm, and tapped at a hidden control pad. The cell door opened, and a little cleaning drone entered. Blurr choked, dry heaving now that his tanks were empty.

Turmoil pulled a cloth from his subspace and swiped it with mocking gentleness over Blurr’s face and plating, cleaning away the half-processed energon. He cast a look back at Drift. “We’ll try again with the bonding.”

Drift narrowed his optics, but Turmoil merely tossed the soiled cloth down for the cleaning drone, and bought out the pry strip. Blurr’s optics shot wide, static sounding as his mouth moved in the form of denials. His struggles did no good, and soon his plating was clamped back, spark exposed. Drift didn’t fight as Turmoil did the same to him. His baleful glare only amused Turmoil, and did absolutely nothing to stop the posts they were bound to from moving them back into position.

“You’ll be there until I’m certain the bond has taken.” With a final long look, Turmoil left them.

Blurr tucked his face into Drift’s neck, entire frame shaking with the force of his grief. Drift tried to fight the pull of their sparks, but Blurr’s desperate reaching for _any_ sort of comfort broke through his resistance rather quickly. Instead of continuing to fight and cause them both pain, especially with the residual he could already feel from Blurr, Drift let go. He did his best to stay shallow, and instead of watching memories play, he was swamped in Blurr’s current emotions.

Terror, agony, hatred. Emotions that felt foreign to Blurr, but not so unfamiliar to Drift. He purred softly, trying his best to soothe Blurr, but not really having much effect. He didn’t understand how a mech that… albeit, not as old as he’d thought, could still be so incredibly sheltered that he didn’t have the first clue how to cope with their situation.

Drift had _never_ before thought that the hardships of his youth would be a positive thing. However, as Blurr pushed into him, his recent rape pulling up memories in Drift, he was genuinely grateful. He’d learned long ago that even the most horrible things weren’t death until one’s spark guttered out.

Drift also found himself accepting their situation. He could, and would continue to reject the bond trying to form between their sparks, but he’d survived far worse. Blurr wasn’t there yet. He was lost in the gutters, horrified, shocked, weeping for the pain that had shaped Drift, and incapacitated by the fear of what was happening to him now.

Drift nuzzled in, offering what comfort he could despite knowing it wasn’t felt.

~ | ~

Blurr woke to pleasured tingles dancing over his sensornet. He recoiled, head rearing back from where it’d been resting on Drift’s shoulder.

Drift. He growled. “You didn’t even look away,” Blurr said, voice a low hiss. At least his self-repair had fixed his vocalizer.

Drift looked up, and when he spoke his voice was so soft Blurr had to strain to hear him. “He would have made it worse if he knew it bothered me.”

Blurr snorted, anger lending him the strength to resist the brush of Drift’s spark against his as he moved. “It didn’t bother you!” He twisted his face way, leaning back against the column as much as he could. “You used to do the same thing for kicks.”

“No. Never for kicks. Because I thought it was necessary.”

Blurr looked back at Drift, his optics pale with impotent rage. “Making excuses for yourself, Deadlock?”

Drift flinched, the barb landing solidly. “I’ve tried to do better since learning better. Atonement, even though I’ll never earn it.”

Blurr didn’t know what to do with the ugly emotions churning inside him. He just wanted Drift to hurt too. React. Something! “I don’t want to be bonded. Not to anyone, but _definitely_ not to _you_! Fragging ‘Con.”

Drift leaned back as much as he could against his post, not that it did the least bit of good. Their chests were pressed right up against one another’s with only the smallest bit of shifting possible. What little movement they could make only served to rub their sparks together. “I’m sorry,” Drift whispered. Not so much for his past, because a mech can only do what they know to do, but very much sorry for Blurr being sucked into their current predicament. It _was_ Drift’s fault, and he acknowledged that guilt, and tried to give Blurr as much space as he could.

His only solace was that Turmoil was mightily annoyed that they still weren’t bonded when he came to check on them. He struck Drift hard, but Blurr didn’t even twitch.

Turmoil sighed, said he would have his way yet, and fed them just enough energon to keep going.

Well, he fed Drift. Blurr refused, and so the fuel was injected straight into his lines. Not a comfortable thing at all, but he wouldn’t budge from his defiance of all things, even though he was shooting himself in the foot.

When Turmoil left them, Drift tipped his helm forward to whisper to Blurr. “We need the energon. It’ll give us strength to fight this.”

Blurr tipped his helm up enough to glare, then promptly went back to giving Drift the silent treatment.

It was a long night of resisting, and ultimately failing.

~ | ~

When Turmoil checked them the next day, he was furious and confused. Drift suggested that maybe there had to be _some_ compatibility between the sparks, and he certainly knew now that he and Blurr were _not_ compatible. It earned him a punch to the helm before their captor stormed out of the cell.

Turmoil left them for three days, and the slightest hope that had floated from Blurr’s spark at Drift’s compatibility suggestion was quashed within that time. It was exhausting to resist. Hunger and low energy levels did indeed make their sparks reach for one another’s, and once it started, it was impossible to pull back.

Blurr wept bitterly. Drift rested against him, beyond being able to dredge up the least energy to comfort the Racer. He knew what was coming. He’d seen it too many times. Maybe not between bondmates, but between mechs Turmoil knew were friends. Stupid, ‘noble’ Autobots that would offer themselves up in place of their comrade.

Turmoil _loved_ taking those idiots up on their offers. It invariably made the ‘saved’ mech feel even more horrible as he watched what _should_ have been his torture.

When Turmoil came back to them, Blurr was doomed, and they were far too enmeshed within one another’s minds now for Drift to hide that fact. Blurr would be tortured to the very brink of deactivation, and even better for Turmoil this time; Drift would _feel_ all of it. He would feel Blurr’s pain and terror and blame all the way through it.

Blurr sobbed and hated him, and finally lost consciousness. Drift sighed, and gave up too. He would need his rest.

~ | ~

The ship jolting woke Blurr. Drift was already awake, optics bright, and facing the door of the cell. He was tense, but his thoughts and emotions were oddly held in check. Waiting, breath held, still as a statue.

Blurr shook his head. “Something else. They won’t come for us.” He didn’t understand how Drift could keep holding to that hope. Wreckers were expendable. That was fact.

The ship juttered again, and they both gasped as their sparks rubbed over each other’s. Then everything went very still.

 _They’re boarding,_ Drift whispered.

Blurr growled against the wave of hope. _**Someone** is boarding. Maybe._ He squeezed his optics shut, and tried to focus on pulling away from Drift. He hated that feeling of hope. It was cruel. It was a lie. They’d hit an asteroid field, skimmed over some sort of solar pulse. There were plenty of things in space that could cause a ship to bounce like that.

Blurr was too tired, he decided. He grasped for recharge. Dreams, at least, were something of an escape even if more and more often he was dreaming of Drift’s horrific past instead of running free.

He must have succeeded at some point because suddenly a strong hand was on his upper arm. There was a voice shouting. Elation flooded the bond from Drift, almost overpowering the sense of guilt and remorse Blurr usually felt from him.

“Damnit, Blurr! Wake the frag up!”

“We’re depleted,” Drift said.

“How the frag do these unlock? Perceptor! Move it!” Blurr managed to lift his helm, and saw bright green. It took a moment longer to recognize Springer. Springer went suddenly still, voice a rasp. “What did he do to you?”

“Been like this most of the week.” Drift’s face actually heated, optics glancing toward Perceptor by the door, then away.

“Found it!” Perceptor announced.

There was a shower of sparks from near the door, then the columns pulled apart. Blurr yelped, watching in horrified fascination as his and Drift’s sparks actually resisted being separated. Tendrils of light snapped back as they broke apart. Drift hissed with the pain, but Blurr was beyond reacting.

“Oh my,” Perceptor said as he turned to look.

Springer shook his helm, staying by Blurr for the moment, removing the clamps keeping his crystal and armor open. “The cuffs. We need to move.”

“Be ready,” Perceptor replied, then Blurr was falling forward.

Springer caught him up, lifting Blurr easily. Blurr saw as Perceptor rushed forward to help Drift. Drift stumbled, hands reaching for his chest even as Perceptor kept him from crashing to the floor.

“Let’s _go_!” Springer snapped, and swept out the door.

Blurr and Drift cried out at the same time, Drift trying to get his legs to work. “Wait!”

“Frag waiting!” Springer shouted back. “We need to go, the others are on their way back.”

“The bond…” Blurr squirmed in Springer’s arms. Primus! He couldn’t even be a few meters from Drift?!

Springer cursed, but waited as Perceptor hurried after them, all but carrying Drift with an arm around his waist, his other held over Perceptor’s shoulders. The ship shuddered, and Springer swore again. Blurr gave up trying to pay attention. His head was swimming. The dark-light-dark-light-dark of the corridor made him dizzy. He shut his optics, and let the black take him down.

~ | ~

Drift stared around the small medbay, trying not to be affected by the grief radiating off Blurr in waves. There was a numbness seeping in too, and even more disturbing, a disbelief that this wasn’t just another dream. Drift was having a hard time keeping his thoughts and feelings separated from Blurr’s.

“Other than low energy, you are both rather fit,” Perceptor said softly into the stretching silence.

“How do we break the bond?” Blurr asked, voice barely a whisper.

Perceptor met Drift’s optics, then quickly looked away. “I do not think it is possible. I am not an expert, however, and would suggest Ratchet seeing you both to be certain.”

“Ratchet’s on Earth still,” Drift said.

Springer snorted as he paced back toward the berth. “Not like either of you are staying here.”

“What?!”

Drift winced at the wall of shock and pain that hit him from Blurr.

“You’re off this team,” Springer said. “We can’t even put the two of you in separate rooms right now! How the frag am I supposed to run you in combat?”

Blurr’s mouth was open, optics wide, helm shaking slowly back and forth. Drift gripped his hand, and fought past the sensation of drowning in denial and horrified grief. “We were locked together a week, right? All we need is some time to work on this.”

“Then you’ll do it on Earth, under the care of a trained medic, and not here wasting my _sniper’s_ time!”

“It is not a waste of my time,” Perceptor said.

“I decide that!” Springer snarled and paced. “I’m comming Earth. Get your slag packed. We’ll make the supply run early.”

Springer slammed out of the medbay, leaving a ringing silence in his wake. Drift glanced at Perceptor, who looked about as helpless as Drift felt. A low keening began, and they both turned to Blurr.

“We’ll figure it out,” Drift said, and pulled Blurr against his side. He tried to remain stoic in the face of the overpowering emotions coming off of Blurr, but the Racer was broadcasting hard as he sobbed. Drift couldn’t even blame him. He knew Blurr _lived_ for the team. Being cast out was the final breaking point for him, and Drift genuinely feared for their lives.

When Perceptor stepped closer and awkwardly wrapped his arms around them, Drift leaned in and accepted the offer of comfort. “I am sorry I did not reach you sooner,” Perceptor murmured.

~ | ~

Blurr woke groggily. There was warmth against him, against his spark, and he snuggled closer to it. A low purring filled the space around him, soft comfort weaving tendrils through his systems.

He was taking much longer to reboot than he should have, but didn’t care. The hazy feeling would have been disconcerting, but if he’d been captured again, he wouldn’t be so comfortable. Prisoners were bound to posts, not cuddled on soft berths with the light weight of a thermal blanket over them.

 _We’re on Earth,_ Drift whispered, carefully nudging Blurr toward waking.

Blurr mumbled something in reply to words that didn’t make sense to him.

_You’ve been held in induced recharge for the last few days. Ratchet’s here. Says you can wake up now._

“Dun wanna.”

“Maybe not,” a new voice replied, “but I need to see both of your sparks.”

Drift shifted back a little as Blurr frowned and lifted his helm. Ratchet watched both of them, optics bright and expression worried. Drift let Blurr go when he felt all the pieces snap into place for the racer.

“I… They…”

Ratchet stopped Blurr from standing with a hand on his shoulder. “You were hysterical.”

Drift tried valiantly to suppress the thought of how much of an understatement ‘hysterical’ was, but Blurr wasn’t paying attention to him anyway. He shook his helm, and sputtered half-formed words from thoughts that raced faster than Drift could process them.

“I’ll sedate you again if I have to,” Ratchet threatened.

Blurr clamped his mouth shut with a whimper, the feelings of betrayal echoing over the bond. Drift sat up next to him, and let Blurr cling to his hand when he clutched at it.

Contradiction. He didn’t want Drift. He didn’t want to be bonded. He didn’t want to be this close. He reached and grasped for any form of comfort he could grab, and Drift was it.

Hours later, and Drift was watching closely enough to see when Ratchet ran his scans for the third time -at least. He knew what was coming before the medic’s shoulders slumped. Blurr fidgeted against his side. He’d been playing with Drift’s hand for a while, tracing a fingertip along each of the fine joints, over every scar, no matter how miniscule. He’d retreated into his own mind, and Drift had let him, but he was apparently paying enough attention to notice the change in Ratchet.

Cold fear, then desperate denial washed through them both as Ratchet shook his head. “No! No, I know you separated Sunstreaker! You can separate us!”

Ratchet blinked, and Drift had to focus to catch the right thread so he would know what Blurr was talking about. “I still don’t fully understand what they did to Sunstreaker, but that was different from what-“

“No!”

“Blurr,” Drift said, squeezing the racer’s hand. _Sedatives._ Which was probably a damn dirty trick, but it worked.

“Humans don’t have sparks,” Ratchet continued. “There is nothing in either of your programming for me to fix. There’s nothing _wrong_. You have a stable, healthy, solid bond.”

“It’s an abomination!” Blurr cried. “He made us _rape_ each other until-“ He cut off on a sob, and curled in against Drift’s shoulder.

Drift shut his optics and focused on separating their emotions for a moment, before looking up at Ratchet. “There’s nothing you can do?”

Ratchet shook his head. “I’ll keep researching, but I’ve been around long enough to remember when mechs bonded for nothing but love.” Blurr’s vents caught, and the medic shook his helm again. “Mechs that bond on purpose are rarely so closely tied after such a short time. He did a number on the both of you.” He paused for a moment. “I will keep researching, but in all truth, I think you should both start trying to learn to live with each other.”

“What?!” Blurr jerked upright. “ _Live_ with it?! That’s it?!”

“Blurr.”

“Yes!” Ratchet snapped back. “Live with it! Learn to function together! Deal with it, Blurr! You’re not the only one you have to think about anymore! Your sparks are deeply entwined, and I have _no fragging clue_ how to even begin separating them!”

Blurr’s temper was gone as quickly as it’d come, and he shrank back from Ratchet. Drift wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders, mouth pressed into a thin line, and he resisted growling.

“At least the instincts are there.” Ratchet snorted, arms crossing over his chest. “The twins are on their way here.” A flash of… something, quickly suppressed, made Drift’s spark clench when Blurr’s did. “If anyone can help the two of you figure it out, it’ll be them. Dysfunctional glitches that they are, at least they understand bonds from an experienced point of view.”

Ratchet turned away to start cleaning and putting his tools up, and Blurr pulled away from Drift. He scrubbed at his face, and genuinely fought to control his emotions. Drift watched, his curiosity almost a living thing winding though Blurr’s mind. Blurr recoiled from it, shuddering even as Drift pulled back too, muttering a soft, _Sorry_ , over the bond.

The medbay doors slid open, admitting Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. “Hey, Smurf,” Sideswipe greeted. Blurr was across the medbay and clinging to the red frontliner in an instant. “Whoa!”

“He-caught-us-and-bound-us-and-beat-Drift-and-raped-me-and-made-us-rape-each-other-‘til-we-were-bonded-and-I-don’t-want-to-be-bonded-Tell-us-how-to-break-it-You-have-to-know-Someone-has-to-know-I-want-out-I-want-to-be-free-Tell-me- _please_!”

Drift bit the inside of his lip, trying to ignore the flare of jealousy that Blurr was wrapped around Sideswipe. He tried to ignore the rush of shame and guilt. He tried not to notice how both twins, even aloof Sunstreaker, seemed to burrow Blurr between their large solid frames. He tried really hard not to feel the hurt.

It was his fault.

He didn’t have a right to hurt.

Primus! What had he expected? That Blurr would wake up, and be cool with it suddenly? After the non-stop fit he’d been throwing since it happened? Like that fit wasn’t justified a million times over? That there was anyone out there that could deal with all he was, had been, and accept it just like that? And that he’d be lucky enough… that _he_ would be lucky enough to be forced into an unwanted bond with that one, perfect someone that could handle it?

Blurr wasn’t handling it.

At all.

Drift tried to focus and pull his emotions in. Blurr’s poured off him in waves, drowning Drift until he was reacting to them, and they were feeding his own thoughts and feelings.

He jumped in surprise as a heavy hand landed on, and gripped, his shoulder. “Pull up a memory,” Sunstreaker said, voice a balm of deep, soft, and collected, and Drift looked up at him. “Some moment when you were genuinely happy. At peace. Having fun. Doesn’t matter. Find it.”

Drift floundered. Happy? At peace? Maybe fun? He’d had fun.

Interfacing Wing. The sleek white jet blissed out and smiling up at him.

Blurr gasped. “That frag?!”

Sunstreaker chuckled. “Good.”

“Easy,” Sideswipe purred, snuggling Blurr close.

“There really isn’t anything else I can do for them here,” Ratchet said. “Prowl’s assigned quarters not far from yours. You’re relieved from all duty shifts to help them adjust.”

“I don’t _want_ to adjust! Why isn’t anyone listening to me?!”

“We are, sweetspark,” Sideswipe said, hands gentle as he smoothed them over Blurr’s back and arms. Drift bit back a growl, and Blurr glared over at him. “We are.” Sideswipe turned Blurr’s face back around. “Bonds don’t break. Me and Sunshine gave it a valiant, fucked up attempt, and nearly killed ourselves for trying.”

“You’re twins. It’s different.” And there came a fresh flood of tears.

“No it’s not,” Sunstreaker said. “Spark bond is a spark bond. Our sparks divided, we were separate, we bonded.”

“There’s a draw we were too young to resist,” Sideswipe said, and Drift got the sense from Ratchet’s surprised expression that they were sharing untold information. “Pits, I don’t know if twins _can_ resist, but we were two separate sparks, in two separate frames. It’s hazy, but I can remember _needing_ Sunny.” Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both shuddered. “Lonely. Something.” Sideswipe shook his helm.

“But we’re not twins! We’re nothing alike! It’s _wrong_!” _And I love **you**_.

Drift gasped, hearing the words loud and clear. He flinched back, the twins and Ratchet giving him a curious look. He took in the way Sideswipe held Blurr, remembered how they had both surrounded him. Blurr had been on Sunstreaker’s team, hadn’t he? No… further back than that. A race. A party at a club with bright neon lights, and the rumble of bass. High grade sweeter than Drift even knew existed. Powerful bodies trapping him between. Strong sparks-

He shook his helm, trying to shake out the tangle of emotions and memories.

It wasn’t working. It was as though the thought had crumbled the wall Blurr had been hiding his feelings for Sideswipe behind.

He’d taken this from Blurr too.

“Come on,” Sunstreaker said, pulling at Drift to get him to his feet. He glanced at Ratchet, but was waved on.

“If I come up with anything, I’ll comm you both, but don’t count on it. Everything we do know about bonds says you’re stuck.”

Drift wished Ratchet had used different words, but he’d never been one to play with semantics. They were stuck. They were bonded, and he’d known it since Turmoil had shoved them together for the first time. They just needed to find a way to use it to their advantage. Get back to the Wreckers. Drift didn’t really care where he was, but the Wreckers were important to Blurr, so that was fine by him.

The twins led them to their new quarters, and hung around. They had Drift and Blurr do a few more things, and it was discovered that they still couldn’t be more than a handful of paces apart.

“Don’t worry,” Sideswipe said, hugging Blurr as they made to leave for the night. “We’ll help you guys figure it out.”

 _I don’t want to figure it out_ , Blurr thought.

Drift followed him to their berth once the twins were gone, and curled around the shivering, weeping form of his miserable bondmate.

At least he wasn’t screaming anymore, but Drift wondered -as Blurr forced himself into recharge- how the twins could so calmly help them. Sure the war and distance was in the way to prevent them from bonding, but why weren’t they beating the-

Oh wait. Blurr would feel whatever they did to Drift.

He sighed, and forced himself into recharge as well.

~ | ~

It took no time at all for their predicament to spread throughout the base. There really was no way to keep it a secret. Someone, multiple someones had to cover for the twins. Blurr and Drift were all but welded together at the hip. Where one went, the other had to.

Once Blurr agreed to leave their quarters, that was.

To Drift’s reasoning it was irrational to hide. Everybody knew. Frag ‘em.

That wasn’t Blurr’s take on it. He had refused to leave the room except very late to visit the washracks, and then only if at least one of the twins came with them. Drift took it as a victory that the mech still cared that he was clean. It was a small positive, but it was _something_. He’d seen mechs pull so deeply inside themselves after trauma that nothing reached them. Blurr still _wanted_ his plating to shine. He refueled without a fight. He would lay there until Drift, Sideswipe, or Sunstreaker handed him the cube, but then he would drink it without being ordered or threatened.

Drift’s lips twitched at the memory of what finally got Blurr to leave their quarters as they made their way outside.

_”You know, if someone makes a wiseass comment, you can always slag them for it.” Sunstreaker shrugged. “Probably make you feel better too.”_

Drift was really starting to like Sunstreaker. The pet insecticon was a bit weird, but Drift had served with some pretty eccentric personalities. Dying and being reborn, or whatever the frag had actually happened to Sunstreaker on that bridge, had allotted him some right to be a bit weird in Drift’s book.

And Bob was fun for keeping the humans away.

“Ok,” Sideswipe said once they were out in the field beyond the base entrance. “Just gonna keep it really simple to start. Drift, go over there with Sunny.” He pointed, and Sunstreaker started walking. “You stay with me,” he said to Blurr, and caught his arm.

Drift didn’t get beyond half a dozen paces before Blurr wanted to run to him. He watched as Drift’s footstep faltered, and Sideswipe’s hand tightened on his arm.

“Two more steps, Drift.” Drift did as Sideswipe told him to, and even let Sunstreaker grab his hand and pull him the last step.

It left both of them panting. Blurr’s optics burned. Three running steps and he’d be against Drift. His spark pounded. His fists opened and closed. He clawed at Drift across the bond, mentally trying to drag him closer.

“And now we sit,” Sideswipe said, and Blurr found himself pulled to the ground.

Drift knelt, Sunstreaker watching him like a turbohawk. He placed his hands carefully flat on his thighs, back straight, and focused on cycling his respiration. Blurr keened.

“Blurr.” Sideswipe nudged him. “Play with me.”

It took Blurr a moment to look down, away from Drift. He saw the datapad, and bit at his lip. Another glance at Drift showed his optics closed, face relaxed. Blurr would be more irritated by the sight if he couldn’t feel how Drift fought the urge to run to him.

“Blurr!”

“What?!”

Sideswipe sighed, and Blurr’s vents caught. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s cool. We know it’s hard.” Sideswipe gave his upper arm a squeeze. Now sit on your aft so I have a hope of catching you if you decide to bolt, and play me. Distraction will help.”

“And every day we move a little farther apart?” Drift asked.

“That’s the plan,” Sunstreaker replied. “Do other stuff too, but gotta get you guys to the point you can stand being out of sight of one another.”

Blurr shivered at the thought of not having Drift where he could see him. What if they were attacked? They were both so vulnerable right now. “I hate this,” he hissed, fists clenching.

~ | ~

Blurr clawed at the ground, dragging himself just that little bit farther away from Drift. Drift shuddered, and focused on trying to project encouragement over their bond. Blurr’s frustration was tangible, coloring his own emotions, and it was a chore to remain positive.

“You’re doing good,” Sideswipe said. “I know it doesn’t seem like it’s much, but in just a week you’ve doubled the distance.”

Blurr sneered up at the frontliner. “Doubled? We’ve doubled _six_ paces!”

“Into twelve.”

“Frag yourself!”

“I’ve always liked Blurr because of how cheerful and optimistic he is,” Sunstreaker deadpanned, fingers scritching over the top of Bob’s helm. Drift snickered despite himself.

“Fuck off!”

Drift blinked. Sunstreaker tutted.

“It’s going to take time, Blurr,” Sideswipe reminded yet again. “You guys did this backwards.”

“ _We_ didn’t do anything! Turmoil did!”

Sideswipe’s optics rolled. “What I mean, is that instead of trying to get closer and closer like other bonded mechs would do, you two are trying to pull apart-“

“Way to state the obvious!”

“Blurr,” Drift said softly. _Let him finish a thought?_

Sideswipe sighed, and turned Blurr’s face around to look at him. “No one’s done this before. Not that any of us know of at any rate. We’re doing our best to help you. Want it to hurt? Because I can strap your aft to my alt roof, and Sunny can take Drift, and we’ll go to opposite ends of the country. You can both scream it out, go insane, but hey! At least you can go more than twelve measly steps from one another if your minds crack, right?”

Drift felt it coming before it happened. Felt how Blurr struggled to control himself, but his vents hitched, and Sideswipe’s optics closed. “Gonna have to work _hard_ at this, Smurf,” Sideswipe said as he pulled Blurr into a hug.

Drift squirmed, and it was only Sunstreaker’s sudden, hard grip on his wrist that stopped him from going to Blurr.

~ | ~

Drift watched the twins share a look, and understood their frustration. Blurr was resisting _everything_.

“You need to learn to trust the bond.” Sunstreaker stepped behind Drift, and the blindfold dropped him into blackness.

“I don’t _want_ to trust the damn bond! I don’t want the bond at all!”

“Yeah, well you’re stuck with it, so suck it up.”

“Sunny.” Sideswipe sighed, and Drift felt his touch to Blurr’s arm. “Mr. I-lack-all-tact over there isn’t wrong. You have to learn to trust what you feel, hear, see, and sense through the bond. Say you’re in battle. Drift sees something you don’t. His… need, it wouldn’t even be a fully formed thought, it’d be like a need, for you to hit the dirt and duck would just… be there. You react rather than think, or argue, or fight against the sensation. The Decepticon sails over your head and right onto one of his blades. You both live. Get it?”

“Can be even more effective in combat. Just have to find the right balance,” Sunstreaker added.

 _Have to get the other half of the team on board_ , Drift thought before he could stop himself. He heard Blurr hiss at him, and sighed as the racer plopped his aft to the ground, and wouldn’t be cajoled into cooperating.

Primus! Weeks of this, and there was no _real_ progress. Drift quashed the surge of resentment. Blurr needed time to deal. He’d come around eventually. Had to. It was a death sentence if he didn’t.

~ | ~

If the days of impossibly tiny increments of space between them sucked slag, the nights were worse as time went on.

At first Blurr would burrow against him in their recharge. It was comfortable, warm, and Drift rather liked the feel of a berthmate curled up in his arms. There was nothing sexual about it. In fact interfacing, particularly with one another, was the farthest thing from their minds.

Until the bond began to call to them.

Drift, himself was not at all ready for an attempt at intimacy, and he knew better than to try to force himself in that direction. He’d had to in the past, but that wasn’t the same. Giving a mech a go with a quick ‘facing was the easy choice if the other was death or a severe beating, or even in some cases, just not wanting to look weak.

This was different. Blurr was dead set against anything more than letting Drift hold him, and even that was being rejected. Fear underscored everything. What would make them slip? What would break that tenuous thread of control and send one or the other of them diving onto the other?

Blurr was sure it would be Drift that snapped first, and he did his damndest to discourage it.

Tempers were growing short though, even as slow progress was made in the distance they could stand apart, it wasn’t in any other way.

And it wasn’t Drift that snapped first.

~ | ~

Blurr strode into the common room with Drift on his heels. He was used to following Blurr. The discomfort of _not_ following when they weren’t trying to stretch their physical distance only made things more tense between them.

“What?!” Blurr demanded, coming to a sudden stop.

Drift glanced around as optics quickly shifted away from them. _Take it easy. They just looked to see-_

“You shut up!” Blurr snapped, and whipped around to march right back out.

Drift sighed, and turned to follow. His arm was caught, and Sideswipe slipped past him, moving quickly. He looked askance up at Sunstreaker, wincing as Blurr kept going.

“Come on,” Sunstreaker said, and pulled. “Sides will handle him.”

Drift allowed it, realizing how passive he’d become, and pretty surprised. Blurr was one thing. Everyone else was kind of another. “Where are we going?” And ouch. He rubbed his chest over his spark.

“My quarters. Sick of this slag. Not his fraggin’ puppydog.”

Drift blinked. He’d been cooperating. What the slag had he done to make Sunstreaker irritated with him? “Puppydog?”

Sunstreaker jabbed his fingers at the keypad, and practically threw Drift into the room when the door was open far enough. “Yeah. Puppydog! You follow at his heel like a good little pet. Fraggin’ Bob isn’t as well-trained as you are.”

Drift frowned at Sunstreaker. He wanted to deny it, but couldn’t. “I owe him. He needs time-“

“No. He’s had nearly two months. What he needs is to pull his head out of his ass, and get with the fucking program!” He poked his finger into Drift’s chest plates. “ _You_ don’t owe him a damn thing! You didn’t choose this. You’re a victim too. Fraggin’ time you remembered that.” He paused. “Or realized it.”

Drift watched Sunstreaker jerk away and pace. He could feel the buzz of need and longing from Blurr. Not for him, but for Sideswipe. “He’s… He…”

Sunstreaker turned sharp optics on Drift. He had to be just as aware of Blurr’s fingers digging in tight to Sideswipe’s shoulders. The mouth on his twin’s neck cables. Drift could almost taste Sideswipe. No. He could taste him. “He wants Sides,” Sunstreaker said.

“Yeah.”

Sunstreaker’s expression shifted to something Drift couldn’t define. “He wants Sideswipe more than he wants me.”

“He lo-“

Drift cut himself off as Sunstreaker snarled at him. “He _thinks_ he does.” He sighed, and scrubbed at his face. “Look, we care about him, ok?”

_“Blurr.”_

_“Please. Primus, I want **you**.”_

“Sides!” Sunstreaker growled.

Drift watched through Blurr’s increasingly bleary vision as Sideswipe’s mouth pressed into a thin line. He felt as Blurr was put back away from him.

_“Why?!” he cried. “I don’t want him!”_

_“He’s your bondmate,” Sideswipe said, tone placating._

_“Not by my choice he’s not!”_

“//He means because you have a bondmate//,” Sunstreaker said over the comms as well as out loud for Drift’s benefit.

_Blurr’s mouth dropped open to protest, shocked and hurt. “Why would that matter?”_

_“Because Drift has to be there if you want to merge sparks. He’s got a part of yours, so you need him in on it.” Sideswipe lifted one shoulder in something of an apologetic shrug. “Why do you think me and Sunny always merge with you together? We know you only really want me.”_

_“That’s not true!”_

“//No, which is why I join in. But Sides is who you’re interested in. Not me.//” Sunstreaker shook his head. “//Doesn’t matter. Things are too fragged up right now. Not gonna make things worse by interfacing with you whether we could without Drift in it too, or not.//”

_Blurr shook his head slowly in denial, looking at the mech who had been his lover for a **very** long time. “That’s not fair. I can’t even **choose** my own lovers anymore? I have to have **Drift** along for it?!”_

Drift winced. That stung.

“//He’s pretty,//” Sunstreaker offered. “//Should ‘face him. He’s your bondmate. Willing or not, it’s what he is, and if you need it, then so does he.//”

 _I can’t,_ Blurr whispered over the bond. _I can’t._

Drift nodded, seeing the memories boil up. “We’ll wait.”

Sunstreaker snorted. “On the berth.” He pointed, and Drift took a half step back. “Not for that, you glitch. Or weren’t you paying attention?”

Drift frowned, wondering if now would be a good time to start asserting himself again. Blurr was sobbing into Sideswipe’s chest, and sending out all kinds of ‘stay away from me, Drift’ vibes, so he stared at the berth for a moment, and then sat, flopping back onto it.

“Roll over.”

Drift obeyed, catching sight of the polishing cloth, and a little canister of what was likely wax. “So I get shiny, and maybe he’ll change his mind?”

Sunstreaker snorted. “No. You get shined and polished because you’ve been so busy chasing after the princess that you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

“He’s hurting,” Drift murmured into the berth padding.

“Oh, but you’re not? This whole situation’s totally cool with you? You’re blissful to have a bondmate that’s slowly dragging you both into madness and death?”

Drift lifted his helm, and looked over his shoulder. “Can’t rush a person through dealing with their trauma. Should know that.”

Sunstreaker’s optics narrowed. “Can’t let someone else’s issues drag you down either. Seen it. I was the one doing the dragging. Lay down.” He shoved at Drift’s shoulder.

Drift lay silently, thinking. Blurr was distant, then unconscious, curled up in an alcove in Sideswipe’s lap. He decided that Sunstreaker was right. It was time to make a choice.

“When we’re done, will you have Sideswipe take Blurr to our quarters? I want it locked from the outside after I’m in there.”

“What else you need?”

“Twenty-four hours. If I haven’t commed you to let us out, come in for us.” Drift peeked back, saw Sunstreaker’s stoic nod, then relaxed, allowing himself this break, accepting the comforting and care.

~ | ~

Blurr groaned as he woke. His head pounded, and his spark ached. It took him a moment to figure out where he was. Once he did, he tried to jerk away.

“No.” Drift’s arms tightened around him. “We need to talk. No, not right. I need to talk. You need to listen and think.”

Blurr could feel the determination, and frowned as he leaned back to look at Drift’s face. “Nothing’s changed. Noth-“

He squeaked as Drift’s mouth closed over his. It wasn’t really a kiss. Just closed mouth to closed mouth, with just enough pressure to keep Blurr from trying to talk. Though the surprise had done pretty well at shutting him up.

 _Something’s changed. I’ve decided that I’m sick of waiting for you to come around._ Drift pulled back. “I get it, ok. It hit you harder because you never even conceived of such a thing as possible.” He paused, tipping his face toward Blurr’s when Blurr opened his mouth to talk.

Blurr promptly shut his mouth, pulling his head back away as far as he could. He could always turn his face into the bolsters, but Drift only seemed to be threatening him. Some threat. A kiss. He almost snorted.

Drift’s optic ridge arched. “Paying attention?”

Blurr nodded.

“The frag is your problem with this? It’s done. Yeah, it was frelling awful. Neither of us wanted it, but it’s done, and there’s no escape.”

_Love._

Drift blinked dumbly at him. “What’s love have to do with it?”

“Should bond for love.” Blurr felt as Drift pressed into his mind, and he allowed it. A little.

“They don’t love you.”

Blunt and painful. “I know,” Blurr whispered, dropping his gaze to Drift’s chest. “Didn’t say I would bond to them. Don’t… love Sunny that way. Not enough.” He looked back up. “Spark bonds are supposed to be about love though.”

Drift shook his helm. “Ain’t gonna get that from me. Don’t believe in it.” He sighed heavily, and shifted, pressing closer to Blurr. Chest to chest. Tight, and that’s when Blurr felt it. Just a cold prickle in the center of his back. “I’m not going to go insane. We’re too dangerous. We’d hurt these mechs, and I’m not going to be nuts, and risk the ‘Cons using me ever again.”

“Drift…”

“Choose, Blurr. Life as bonded partners, and all that entails. Working together. _Living_. Or death. If you can’t do that, then tell me now. It won’t even hurt. You’ll be dead before the blade even pierces my spark, so I’m the one that’s going to feel it.”

Blurr stared with wide optics, frozen in place.

“Words, Blurr.” Drift stared him down. “I can feel in you how much you want to live.”

“Not like this.”

“Then you choose death?” The sword pressed just a little harder to Blurr’s back.

“No! Wait!” Blurr could feel it too. Drift meant it. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to kill Blurr. But he would do it. Blurr could see the future in Drift’s mind. Them slowly going insane. How much damage Blurr was actually capable of. How fast he was. He could do almost anything to anyone, and he was quick enough to accomplish whatever crazy whim he wanted to before anyone was the wiser. It’s why the Wreckers sent a mech with such fragile plating into heavily secured locations. He was just that fast. That deadly.

And Drift. He’d been trained by one of the best swordsmechs in the universe -by Drift’s estimation. He was pretty fragging unstoppable in his own right, and Blurr shivered, very well aware of the dark things Drift was capable of.

“What’s so wrong with what we have? What we could make it?” Drift asked, earnest, and surprising Blurr with how he braced for the rejection.

Blurr frowned. “You don’t love me. You don’t even believe in love. We’ll fall apart before a vorn was out.”

“Not gonna be ditching my blades anytime soon.”

Blurr’s optics narrowed. “You have a really slagged up sense of humor.”

Drift’s shoulder twitched in a shrug. “Twins have been trying to teach us how to be an even better team. Not like we don’t work together all the damn time anyway.”

“You’re assuming Springer lets us back on the team.”

“And if he doesn’t? We fight here. We’re still useful.”

Blurr shook his helm. “I want Turmoil’s head. I want to stab one of your swords right through his spark, and watch it gutter out.”

Drift grinned, all sharp, hungry angles. Blurr was surprised out of his murderous thoughts by a tendril of desire. He snapped his attention back to Drift, who only offered another of those tiny shrugs. “I’ll teach you how to use them. You want to run off on our own for revenge, I’m on board. Just want to know that even after we kill him, you’ll want to keep living enough to deal with the bond.”

Blurr wavered.

“It sucks slag on a _lot_ of levels. I know. I just think that we could make it work. _If_ you want it to.”

Blurr bit his lip. _And if I fall for some mech you don’t want?_

“Think we’d be better off crossing that bridge when we get to it. Still feeling possessive and jealous when you snuggle up to Sideswipe.”

_I want to be loved._

Drift shook his head. “I can’t promise that.” Blurr’s vision swam. “Look at it this way. Two mechs fall in love, so they bond. Doesn’t mean they’re going to be happy forever. They still have to learn to function together. What if they aren’t as compatible as they thought? They expected love to take care of all that, but then it didn’t. Now they’re stuck.

“We don’t have those illusions. We know exactly how much fragging work this is going to be.”

Blurr moved carefully to wipe at his face.

“Tired of seeing you cry. Used to be so happy it was annoying.” Drift tipped his helm forward and nuzzled Blurr.

“Feels so hopeless.”

“Looking at it wrong. Never going to be alone. You know everything about me, and you’re still here. Still trust me with your life.”

Blurr snorted.

“You haven’t called for help. You haven’t commed anyone to tell them to break down the door, that I’ve got a blade positioned to drive right through your spark.” Drift snorted this time. “The _thought_ to call for help hasn’t even entered your mind.”

Blurr’s mouth parted in shock. He… hadn’t.

“Still trust me. Even knowing all I did as a ‘Con.” Drift sighed, optics shuttering for a moment, and Blurr felt the wash of guilt and remorse. Pain.

“And you trust me with yours.” Blurr’s mouth worked silently for a moment as thoughts raced through his mind. “That’s why you’ve been waiting. You…”

“Trusted you to get your head out of your ass eventually.” Drift grinned when Blurr gave him a shocked look. “Sunstreaker’s words.”

“They cuss in Human too much, don’t they?” Blurr shook his helm a little, then resettled it on the bolster. “I didn’t though. I didn’t pull my head out… I’m not saying that.”

Drift snickered. “Here’s your chance to,” he said, expression going serious, the bond reverberating with renewed tension. “I won’t let us go insane. I won’t let us fade away, and waste time and resources. I won’t let us suffer. If you just can’t accept the bond, then tell me now. It’ll be fast. I promise. Then we’ll be free at least.”

Blurr stared at him a moment. He listened beneath the words. Drift didn’t want to die. “I don’t want to die,” he whispered. Then stronger. “I don’t want to die.”

“Not wanting to die is different from wanting to live with this bond.”

 _Semantics_. Blurr held Drift’s optics as his mouth pressed into an annoyed, tight line at Blurr’s thought.

Blurr considered it seriously. Looking at it with as much logic as he could muster. He played out various scenarios, looked at all the angles. It hurt some still, to admit that they just weren’t getting out of this bond. He cycled his vents, then again, letting his body relax. “I choose to live. With you. With the bond.”

The sword was pulled away, hissing metal on metal as it was pushed into its scabbard. “We got a lot of work to do.”

Blurr nodded, letting his thoughts swirl and twist. He could feel Drift trying to follow them, but failing and withdrawing, almost dizzy. He smiled. Then wider as he felt the familiar determination settling in.

“I think you might be crazy.”

“Shut up. You wanted this.” Blurr shifted, snuggling closer to Drift. “You know me better than anyone else now, right? Should know that when I decide something, I chase it with single-minded determination.”

Drift hummed, wrapping his arms tighter around Blurr, and settling in to recharge. _Just feels too easy. I don’t trust ‘too easy’._

Blurr rolled his optics. “What…? No, nevermind.”

Drift sent the signal to lower the lights, and they lay there quietly, thoughts and emotions, fears and concerns tumbling around between them. One caught Blurr’s attention, and he chased it.

 _You want to do that?_ Drift asked.

“Being driven to it anyway. Sides and Sunny say it causes problems to ignore our sparks’ call.” _Make it ours at least. Not just what that fragger did **to** us._

_Give it a bit. Few days. Week._

_That’s fine. Not sure I’m ready for it yet. Just think we should. When we’re ready. You want me to choose you as my bondmate? Well, that’s about as blatantly choosing as we can get._

Drift nodded, and Blurr realized how tired he felt. Blurr recharged a lot, but now looking though Drift’s memories, he saw that he hadn’t. “Primus.”

_You were hurting._

“So were you though, huh?” Blurr asked. _I’m sorry, Drift. I’m still not ok with this, you know? But I know it’s not your fault. He’s a sick bastard, and we’re going to kill him._

Drift nodded again, and Blurr snuggled closer, purring a little. _Recharge. Promise not to stick you with one of your knives while you do._

_Swords. They’re swords._

Blurr smiled, letting Drift’s sleepiness pull him under too.

~ | ~

“What did you do?” Sunstreaker asked softly.

Drift grinned.

“He threatened to kill me,” Blurr said, smiling as he slid to a stop, and pulled off the blindfold. “That’s weird running blind like that.”

Drift huffed a short laugh. “Weird running that fast.”

Blurr flashed a brighter smile. “Again?”

“You threatened to kill him?” Sideswipe shook his helm, and watched as Blurr ran off, optics offline. He wasn’t going his top speed, but then Drift just couldn’t process that fast. They would keep practicing though. “Wish we’d have thought of th- Ow! Sunny! The frag you hit me for?”

Drift chuckled, and listened to Blurr laugh over the bond.

~ | ~

Blurr was nervous and tense as they entered the common room, head swiveling to take it all in.

 _They aren’t going to look after the fit you threw last time,_ Drift said, nudging over the bond to be sure Blurr knew he was just teasing.

Blurr felt his face heat up anyway. _I’d really like to go hide now._ He didn’t though, and accepted the cube from Drift, following him to an empty table off to the side.

It was way too quiet for how many mechs were there, and Blurr could feel that he wasn’t the only one self-conscious. Drift wasn’t as bad off, but he seemed to be waiting for someone to say something. Start a fight with them.

The quiet was disrupted as Sideswipe and Sunstreaker entered. They stopped, looked around, and Sideswipe gave a jaunty wave as he spotted Blurr and Drift. “Hey!”

Energon was collected, and Blurr and Drift found themselves with company. Sideswipe lounged back in his chair, and surveyed the common room. “Been like this since you guys came in?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” Drift replied, voice equally soft. “Think this is one of those awkward silences.”

“Primus,” Sunstreaker groaned as Sideswipe stood up.

“If I can have your attention please?” Sideswipe held his arms up, waiting until all optics were on him. “It’s cool. They aren’t going to be crazy. Talk amongst yourselves.” He gestured, waving his arms, pointing at Blurr and Drift, then plopped back down into his seat. “There,” he said, self-satisfied smile in place.

Blurr’s face was scorching hot, but he was smiling. “You’re...” He tipped his helm closer to Drift without taking his optics off Sideswipe. “What’s the word I want?”

“Derptastic.”

Sunstreaker snorted a laugh. “Where did _you_ hear that word?”

Drift and Blurr pointed at Sideswipe as one.

Sideswipe kicked his feet up on the table in front of his twin, and laced his fingers behind his helm. “You seeing this?”

“Yep.”

“Progress.”

“Yep.”

Throughout the common room, conversation picked up again. Blurr caught the sidelong looks, but pretended they didn’t bother him. They’d had a right to their nervousness. Two Wreckers heading toward insanity? Blurr didn’t blame them. “So, oh wise teachers. What’s next?”

~ | ~

“How are you feeling?” Ratchet asked, optics shifting between Drift and the monitoring equipment.

“Fine. I can feel him.”

“But the distance?”

Drift waved his hand, and watched through Blurr’s optics as he shot across the surface of a lake. That was… pretty cool. “Amazing how fast things are coming together now that we aren’t rejecting the bond.”

“I thought only Blurr was rejecting it?”

“I was too because he didn’t want it,” Drift replied. He hadn’t realized what he was doing until he stopped doing it, and they were all amazed by the progress.

“Interfacing?” Ratchet asked, wincing a bit.

Drift shook his helm. “Not yet. Not hard to resist that.”

“Can I ask _why_ you two are resisting that?” Ratchet’s optics swept down, then back up Drift’s frame. “Attraction isn’t a problem, is it?”

 _Better fraggin’ not be_ , Blurr said, making Drift laugh again.

“No. Just trying to let the past fade a bit.”

Ratchet grunted, and said nothing further on that particular subject.

~ | ~

Blurr fidgeted, nervous. Drift stared at the wall in their dim quarters.

By some strange, mutual thought, tonight had become _the_ night.

_We don’t have to._

Blurr shook his head. _We don’t._

But arousal and desire swirled through the bond, and they shifted against one another.

 _Could just merge this first time,_ Drift suggested. _Never been lovers. Could give that a shot._

_Want to own this. Make it ours for real._

Relief swept through Drift, and Blurr rolled over him, lying on his chest to smile down. “You’re still waiting for me to change my mind.”

Drift’s hands stroked down Blurr’s back, then up again. _Was rough there._

Blurr flashed a brighter grin, then dipped his helm, lips capturing Drift’s in only the fourth such willing caress. _We got this now._

Drift returned the kiss, arms wrapping around Blurr’s back to hold him in tighter. Fingers traced transformation seams. Blurr’s lips feathered down to his neck, teeth scraping over his main line. Drift purred. Blurr grinned.

 _Ever tell you I’m good at this?_ Blurr murmured.

“Conceited.”

_You can decide after._

For all the confidence of his tone, Blurr’s first pulse of energy was barely more than a teasing brush. Asking permission, even as he pushed his fingers into the cables at Drift’s midriff and tugged at sensitive wires. Drift reached back, pulsing stronger, but relaxing his grip so Blurr could pull away if he wanted to.

Blurr snickered. _We got this,_ he repeated, then throbbed out with his spark hard, rolling the energy right through Drift.

Drift arched up, gasping as pleasure rushed him. Frag! Blurr rocked over him, writhing so their plating rubbed together. They had been fighting against this for months, so it was no surprise at how fast the charge built.

 _Please,_ Blurr whispered, mouthing along Drift’s audial.

Drift’s chest plates were separating before he finished nodding agreement. The room was suddenly bright from their sparklight. Drift felt Blurr’s fear. Felt some himself, but the next volley of energy between their sparks had them both crying out in bliss, not pain.

_Oh-slag-oh-slag-oh-slag!_

Drift strained up, arms pressing Blurr to him. Blurr curled down, their legs tangling together as his fingers bit into Drift’s shoulders. He was chanting a mix of curse and prayer, voice arcing higher. The words fell away to a keening moan, and Drift held his breath, poised on the precipice.

“Ah!”

Blurr’s entire body jolted, and Drift gasped as the backlash bowled through him. His sensornet ignited, light bursting behind his optics as though he’d been clubbed. Every sensation redoubled, reverberated. The world tilted and spun, and the last thing he heard before his systems threw him into a reboot was Blurr whispering his name.

~ | ~

Drift was entirely too aware of Springer watching them as they hurried onto the jump shuttle. Of _Kup_ watching them.

Blurr wore that familiar, self-satisfied, smug, smirky grin of his that had always annoyed Drift before when they had completed a successful mission. Now, however, he could felt the emotion behind it. Blurr was proud and excited. He’d been useful. He’s done something important.

He stepped right into Drift’s arms, leaned in until their forehelms touched, and Drift found himself smiling too. It only lasted a moment, then Blurr pulled back so he could flop into a seat and strap in.

“That was so much fun!” Blurr said, snickering.

Springer shook his helm, but turned away without saying anything. Kup caught Drift’s optic, and threw him a wink.

“I think we passed,” Blurr said in a stage whisper, earning a few snickers from the others.

Drift just smiled, and leaned his shoulder against his bondmate’s as the shuttle juttered its way back into space. They’d never have chosen this for themselves. He didn’t think the hard work would ever be over, and they still had topics to discuss and work out, but they were alive and determined to stay that way. That was something.

Blurr slid his hand into Drift’s, and smiled brightly. _Thinking too much._

_One of us has to._

Blurr sighed, and rested his helm on Drift’s shoulder. “But it’s _hard_ being the pretty one.” The whine got a laugh out of the others, and Drift thought he might even have seen Springer’s mouth twitch a bit. Drift shook his head.

_Oh! I got it._

Drift fought to keep the amused smile on his face as conversations and excited chatter of a mission gone well picked up around them. _You’re sure?_

_Unless he changes out his ship’s engine before we get to him, the bastard’s ours._

Drift dropped a brief kiss on Blurr’s helm, and shot a playful glare around as the others began cooing and making kissy noises at them. “Shut up, or we’ll really give you something watch.”

Why Drift had thought that would be a threat, he didn’t know. The jeering and jokes started up, and Drift grinned as Blurr dove into the banter, the bond singing his contentment.

Contentment Drift shared.

Blurr flashed him a bright grin at the thought, brushed warm within his spark, and Drift smiled back.

Yeah. They had this now.


End file.
